Well, hello there! |
I finally finished the thing I kept telling myself I would do for a few years now. When my old domain subscription came close to expiring in late 2018, I switched over to a different provider to fit my new living situation, and I never fixed the Blogger custom domain setup. It sat, unused, but paid for, for nearly four years. More, if you count the last time I posted something.
Where do I start? I have grappled with that question for the entire time I've been gone. In truth, blogging never left my mind. I kept up with reading everyone's blogs, but I fell out of commenting. Nor did I ever really stop blogging. I simply concentrated on other super-specific video game based blogs that I've segmented across the internet over the years. I just didn't know how to return to this blog. To me, this blog had become a diary. It was the one place on the internet where I shared the most about myself. I love that sharing my life is how I have connected most with others. Out of all the spaces I exist on the internet, this is the space I always yearn to return to. I've loved watching my past self's changing circumstances and reliving the experiences that have shaped my life through the lens of then-present Liz. I've loved following my thought processes as I reflect on that day/week/event and it's comforting to recognize where I've changed from who I was when the post was written. To return and not address the huge gap in time felt all sorts of wrong. I wanted to give that chapter of my life a proper send off before I started writing about newer experiences.
But the words never came. I sat down in front of a keyboard. I scribbled with pen and paper. I laid awake until the wee hours of the morning contemplating. All of my efforts were insufficient in conveying everything I wanted to say to my future self about "where I'm at now". Then "where I'm at now" changed, and my lens to the past fogged with time. There were new things to write about! New pictures taken and adventures to share in my little corner of the internet! New highs and lows and thoughts and feelings and lessons to reflect on! The list of things I wanted to address kept growing until I was drowning under self imposed requirements I had to fulfill in order to 'come back.'
So here's what I've come up with. I'm just going to start blogging as if I never stopped. The content may be different, as I have added, removed, and adjusted various hobbies and former passions in my life. If I ever am able to write about my life pre-now, I will. I have a general game plan of how I want to get this place updated and a few posts mentally planned out to give some backstory to relevant parts of my life, but I make absolutely zero promises on when or if that will ever happen. My main priority now is just to get back in the swing of writing.
Until then, enjoy the .gif up top of one of my chickens coming up to say hi!
I think it'll be a lot easier for me to get in the swing of posting now that I'm not holed up under various lockdowns, whether official or self imposed just to minimize the chances of getting sick or getting anybody close to me sick.
ReplyDeleteI understand the empty room feeling. It helped me a lot to instead think of blogging as letters to future me. Whether it's information about things I've experienced, things I want to remember, or details about hobbies I'm into. The connections with people are just a MASSIVE bonus!
That empty room feeling....I've tried to do it your way, like it's something to look back on, but I know now it's interaction I'm looking for. When I was working, even though I didn't have friends outside of work, at least I still had people to talk to and interact with all day long. Now, home alone most of the time, I just want people to talk to! And I'm not even looking to go out and make real life friends. No, way too much social anxiety for that. I even tried an old school pen pal group on Facebook earlier this year. So it seems to be opposite for me, with the interaction first and something to look back on second.
ReplyDeleteThat interaction and friendship is the biggest reason why I ended up putting so much effort into this blog compared to any of my other blogs. It's why I kept up with it for so long and so consistently (for me) too! So I get what you mean. It feels weird talking to an empty room. However I do appreciate being able to preserve and enjoy these parts of my life, so to some extent I accept that I may be talking to an empty room at times. Having others to bounce ideas, thoughts, and feelings, as well as just mutually sharing about ourselves is the icing on the sugar-free cake though :)
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